Everytime she calls it’s a new fucking disappointment. What I hate not only about my mom, but also myself because I get it from her, is the inability to stand up for yourself. She goes through so much shit, gets treated like dirt and is completely unhappy, but there is nothing she can do about it. Well, there are some things she could do, but they would require drastic measures and I don’t think my mom considers herself ready or capable to live on her own. She likes the house, the pets, the area, but Dave is a selfish asshole who only pretends to care when he irreprably fucks up and she drinks herself into comas because of it.
I couldn’t handle living there and I hate knowing that my mom has to. No one should have to deal with his bullshit, and my mom is emotionally damaged as is.
‘Oh this sucks I’m stuck at home without a car.’
‘Why don’t you have a car?’
‘Dave put both of his in the shop at the same time and took mine.’
‘The bill was like $600 and dave was freaking out yelling shit, fuck, shit and my anxiety was through the roof. HE’S the one who cranks the heater to like 75.’
‘Why don’t you run the wood stove you spent a shitload of money on to heat the house?’
‘Dave won’t let me incase there’s a storm and the power goes out or something.’
‘So buy more wood? Or better yet, heat the house to like 60 and use a wood stove to make up for the difference in heat.’
‘oh, that’s a good idea.’
‘Mom, he does not have your best interest at heart; he doesn’t have any of your interests at heart. Right now all that you care about is sending me to college and not only can I not get grants because of his income, he isn’t paying a fucking dime. If he cared about you or anything that you cared about, he would help.’
‘At least I’m helping you.’
‘You make 13% of the total income. You’re not the one who’s expected to.’
‘He bought a brand new truck the day I moved out for college, behind your back and against your wishes when he had two working vehicles already that were paid off.’
‘You can’t hold that against him forever, I’ve forgiven him.’
‘That’s your decision.’
Every time she calls it’s something new for me to add to this list that, if I were to type it out, would fill a fucking novel.
I could spend hours upon hours talking about my stepfather, through all the years I spent being dragged through feet of psychological bullshit there was one recurring theme and excuse for every time he was unfair to me, treated me like nothing, punished me for nothing, blamed me for his mistakes and it was ‘He just wants you to be independant.’
I guess he got his fucking wish. I’m now the most independant, self-sufficient person that I know and not a single cent of my earnings that I acquire from the master’s degree I’ll obtain are going towards him. I just wish I could say the same for my mother.
